A Personal Reflection On Matt. 18:21-35: Forgiving Hurt And Hypocrisy

Matthew 18:21-35

All the hypocrisy I witness and the hurt I experience with and from members of the Church tempts my departure from my local parish and even the institution many, many times. More than I want to remember. What good does my departure do for my spiritual well-being and my witness? I miss the instruction of Scripture, receiving the sacraments, and probably even most important of all exemplifying on a human level the patience of Jesus Christ towards those he loves. It is not easy and more hurt recently has been added on top of one committed against me a few years ago by a meddling Church member, and others subsequent to that. I have to reflect and realize that I give God more than enough reason by my own virtue to cut me off, erase me from his will, never to come back. He would be right to do it, Holiness as God's very being, he cannot have sin in his presence; and a sinner I am of the worst. As I understand the great ancient parable, I am forgiven a great debt which I am incapable of paying to my Lord; can I not forgive a lesser debt offended against me by a fellow sinner won by Christ?
I shouldn't cut off brethren by my departure, if I were to go to another church to start anew I am only setting myself up for continued disappointment, and a total departure from the Church altogether would testify as though I think that I don't share the same frailty as them who wronged me and thus in no need of a Savior myself. The hypocrisy of which I accuse others thereby comes back onto me full-circle by that very action, accomplishing nothing.

It is okay to be angry, but petition it to God through Christ. I wish I had from the get-go. Reaching out to those who you feel or even certain wronged you can help build clarity, context, and absolution between brothers and sisters, as I wish I was better at expressing verbally my feelings to have reached out; and if the other party refuses discourse, to listen, or wants nothing to do with you, then wash your hands and dust your feet of it. This is still a challenge for me as the memory haunts me from time to time and the affect on me lasts to this day in my very being. But instead of choking those who "owe me" to correct their wrongs I only choke myself from the blessings of the Faith community in giving the spirit of unforgiveness a dwelling in me.
Lord, have mercy on me. Christ, have mercy on me.

This is my prayer and I share it with you for your own use and reflection:

Lord God our Father, give us strength and courage to write off things committed against us by those we love and by those you love even more than we are capable, whether they were conscious of it or not. Let your Spirit dwell in us to heal us and to share this reconciling healing as our love and joy for, and thanks to you, for giving us a clean slate by the blood of Christ the Lamb, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit; One God forever and ever. Amen. +++


(Image displayed is not my own work. I cannot remember the site from where I got it.)

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